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Oct 17, 2008 (Fri) 6:12 am

What a ride...

Finding out Elias f***ed that Cheryl after all after weapos;d broken up. Sheapos;s 28 - donapos;t tell me he didnapos;t know what she was after right from the start. Learning that he still thinks what happened that night I got drunk was my fault.
My God, if I was a cat with a heart problem, Iapos;dapos;ve died nine times over.
For now, Iapos;m not even going to try and comprehend it, Iapos;m just gonna continue with school and work and life and music and friends and religion and not forget whatapos;s important and whatapos;s just a pus-filled pimple on my ass. Iapos;m not going to cut myself, drink or otherwise undo all the work and effort I (and other people) have put in to get better. I refuse to let one selfish, immoral, self-centered, manipulative, lying, dishonest, back-stabbing, ungrateful, demanding, hypocritical, disgusting,�unintelligent, disloyal, sweet-talking, rude, inconsiderate, immature, irresponsible, pretending, lazy, insignificant lifeform be the ruin of me. I�am better than that - not exactly perfect - but at least I possess some semblance of reasoning and sense. Not to mention great people who either relate, listen or both and are still there.

But I have to say that the anger and disbelief and hurt and pain were somewhat offset by something really nice that Aaron said. At one point he mentioned that heapos;d missed hanging out as I am apparently "someone intelligent", instead of his other friends - around whom he felt he "got dumber". That really made me melt; I was unaware that our friendship meant something to him.
Aaron is so easy to fall for, really. Heapos;s very smart and funny and in-your-face but not excessively offensive, and I think heapos;s huggable and cute. But I donapos;t like him in that way. I mean sure, maybe a little innocent�crush, but no more than that. Heapos;s just been really great these past few days.

I was also upfront with Sarah about how Iapos;d been unsure if she and I could still be friends since Elias is, after all of this, her brother, and blood is thicker than water, and it felt good to just let it out. Now�I can close that chapter and breathe a little easier.

After that, we sat and talked about what weapos;d been through and how itapos;s made us who and what we are... It was great. I was nobody else but myself, something I donapos;t often reveal too much off unless Iapos;m around Chels, Ode, Nursi or my sister.


All of this after a relatively uneventful day - apart from the jamming. It was kickass. I loved going at it with the drums. Itapos;s like controlling it, and yet Iapos;m listening to it - I�canapos;t explain it... But it was beautiful. I canapos;t wait till we jam again.


Exams are in two weeks; Iapos;ve gotta get into revision.

- Inez

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